Bishop mentions the arrest of Clement Vallandingham. Frank Clark, of his company, is very sick with dysentery.
Napoleonville Lsa.
May 19th 1863
Dear Wife
I will commence another letter to you this morning although I have a double letter written to you now, well my darling I hardly know what to write about but I must try and find something.
I have just been out to take my morning walk, generally after breakfast I go and take a walk so as to digest my breakfast, you see my darling that I do not anything to do except at Revilee in the morning and Tattoo at night, and we find it hard to pass the time except we try walking and every expedient possible. there is so much talking going on that it is very hard to keep ones mind on the letter, the Rebs around here take heart from the Battle of Frederiksburg and think that they will eventually get their independence but who knows how it will turn out. I see that Valandingha has been arrested. I am satisfied that it is for the interest of the country that he should be confined as I thinic that he wants to obstruct the movement of the Government and help the south. now I think that there are many men in the south that are anxious for a peace but still think that it is the intention of the U.S. Government to free the Slaves and they think that it is very important to do so. now as far as I am myself concerned I do not care a fig whether they free the slaves or not but it had got to take a Long time to settle the question. the most that I wish to do is to go home and let the people and the Government do just what they think best. I consider that I have done my share in going into the Army for 9 months and if others wish to go I have no objections neither would I try to get others to go. I would simply let them use their own judgment. the end is so distant and uncertain that it takes away a good deal of the assurance that we felt at the start of the rebellion, but war is proverbally slow and in this case it proves to be true but I feel quite encouraged to think that we shall overcome them if we have no foreign interference.
One of our Co. Frank Clark is very sick and his symptoms are very discouraging. I believe he has the Dysentery. Our Captain has gone to N. Orleans to see about getting us discharged from the service by the 30th of June and will not probably be back under a week.
You do not say in any of your letters that Mother has returned from Bridgeport. if she has, does she ever ask about me? I think of her often and I think of the difficulty that I have often had with her. I really wish that I could treat her with more respect and tenderness but my disposition is very stubborn and if I think that she does not do just right by me [?1 I am not as forgiving as I ought to be. whether I shall be able to remedy it in the future I do not know. I have got so much pride of heart that it seems very hard to overcome it but I am in hopes that we may come to a proper understanding before she dies. I have never ceased to regret that I treated your mother harshly once and I do not think that I properly appreciated her while she was living but it is too late to make amends for it now, as it regards your Father when you write to him tell him that am gone away from home and that I wish him well and hope that he will always be comfortably provided for. I suppose that he thinks that I ought to do something for him and I should be glad to if he was where he could come and live with us now I should like it.
well my darling I have come to the last page and that I consider sacred to you or in other words that it is to be used to convey to you my love for you and the children now I write every other day and of course these must be repetitions of expressions it is not possible to always convey ones thoughts by words but I have a strong desire to please you and I have a strong desirc to add to your happiness. I think over howl should naturally feel if I were in your place and I think that I should feel a strong desire to be loved and protected and provided for, now all these things I wish to do for you and I am satisfied that you think I do and that makes me feel happiness than I should do if I thought otherwise. I look upon myself as a weak man in Physical strength consequently I cannot attain to that position in the world calculated to place my family in as comfortable position as I could wish but for my own part I set more store by the quiet profession of your love and the happiness of the children than I should by an exalted station in life. Now my dear little wife I want to have you love me as I do you and I think we can be happy at last while we are separated if not while we are together. but my darling I shall try to make you happy and I guess you will me.
I think of you always with love and do not think there is any spot so sweet on earth as in your arms my dear wife how I do long to your dear arms around my neck that I may cover your mouth with kisses goodbye for this time my darling and believe me to be your devoted Husband
J.D. Bishop
